Washed away in darkness
by hiddendaisy1821
Summary: A chance meeting between Merlin and Morgana after all the years passed. Merlin she meets is a surprise she hoped to avoid. He isn't the same man she knew. Time changes everyone. How does she deal with that change...Modern AU.


**AN**: So another drabble from me. Just needed to write it. Another take on modern Mergana AU. I just find it interesting, his immortality and how it would affect him over the years he has spent alone. Anyways, if you find it compelling give it a read.

-oo-

The rain hit hard on the wet pavement and it only served as a constant reminder of what it all meant. It meant freedom. A freedom from it all and a way from the old that seemed to haunt her still. Maybe now she can have that peace she so badly longed for. If the fate is uncertain then maybe there really is no other way.

Even here and now she is inferior and holed up in a no name place waiting to bring on the resurrection of darkness. It is, after all the only thing her sister thought her. Maybe it was better not knowing anything else and just focusing on this one thing. A rare car passes by swirling to the far side trying to avoid splashing the woman standing on the side walk.

Her stature is regal. The royal stance that couldn't be drilled out of her and even now she feels superior to those around her. Feels entitled to do so.

She will make a place for herself in this world and nothing will stop her. Not this time. There is no destiny or doom, Arthur or Merlin looking over her shoulder. Now, it is time for her to rule. It doesn't matter who she is, she just knows she has to. It is the only thing she longs for. The reasons have been forgotten a while ago. Now she just does.

Sudden steps stop to her right and she somehow knows the world hates her because out of all the people it had to be him that stands beside her. In all his skinny cheekbone glory. Merlin.

He looks down towards her and then back to the view before him. London does have its charm in the rain. Even though it is annoying to no end to have him here, her heart in spite of it all acknowledges comfort. She hates it but can't help looking up to his familiar face.

"After all this time I was grateful for the invention of an umbrella, yet I never thought of bringing one with me on a cloudy day. End up being soaked, serves me right," he says, grinning "I see you're the same. Sadly."

A small smile graces his lips as if he isn't the most miserable person to be standing in this rain. She doesn't mind it. It washes everything away. Maybe even his mistakes that no matter what she did she simply could not forget. The hatred for him burned brighter for it. Emrys. Damn him to hell.

"We are nothing alike, Emrys."

It was out of her mouth before she could stop it. The hurt was laced in between every syllable. She was always rash wasn't she? Lashing out at the man who hurt her was the only way for her not to feel as if she is being tested in his eyes. Some unknown trial she always seemed to fail. No matter what the conditions were. She always lost. In the end she ended up exiled, living in a hovel while he enjoyed being the most trusted person to the king.

She looks away, shaking off the memory.

Somehow she always ended up being the villain. This story it would seem was no different as she felt his eyes watching her. How low does he think of her this time? Low enough to be killed once more perhaps.

"I wouldn't be so sure, Morgana."

His tone is light but his eyes tell her a different story. Here before her stands a man unmoved by time and battles he waged upon his enemies. Morgana wonders sometimes what it would be like to have lived through all those years. Would it change her, seeing the world change before one's eyes? She doesn't know, which also means that she doesn't know the man before her anymore. He has endured the burden of time and history has left a mark on him. Maybe not in physical nature, but in his eyes she sees the stories she hopes he'll tell her out loud someday.

Because today, everything that happened before didn't affect her as much. Not that it didn't matter at all, more like it paled in comparison to what she's been through after, what he's been through. They were different people now. And this reunion could go either way.

Pulling herself by to the nearby building to find some sort of shelter she leaned against the cold stone and regarded him with a new spark of interest. The old rules didn't apply here. The prospect of building something new with him at first was appalling but the more she thought about it the more she realized she wanted to take this new chance and explore its possibilities.

"Such words coming out of your mouth Merlin. What would Arthur say if he heard how you no longer reside in the white do no evil field?"

He didn't join her but had left standing on the same spot only turned towards her shadowed form. He continued to observe her with that amused smile, like he knew a secret he just wouldn't share.

"All people can find some source of attraction to darkness. You know that better than anyone, Morgana."

He only looked at her with an all knowing gaze and she couldn't help that her heart sped up in her chest. It was absolutely normal. Everyone would have felt the same as she did if they were the subject of his gaze. Her breath coming in shallow burst and she found herself threading on a thin ice. Still, couldn't help but ask.

"What is it that attracts you to darkness, Merlin?"

He turned his head towards the sky and let the rain wash his face before turning to look at her. Slightly shaking his head, his smile softened and he only whispered the words that carried such weight.

"It is not a question of what, Morgana, but who."

Who said your arch enemy couldn't make you speechless after all this time? All she could do was look back at him while her mouth formed a peculiar shape of a gapping fish. Well, she couldn't say she expected that from him. Ever.

With that the control she was so proud of was gone. Damn him for turning her into this mess.

"No. Not after all this time. Why now? Why when it has become impossible?"

He only matched her helpless look with the one of his own. After that it turned into agitation and anger, but not at her. His anger was residing within him.

"I have tried everything. I did everything I was told. I walked the path of good and what has it left me with?"

He spread his arms and turned around. To anyone observing them from afar they would seem clearly insane. She had somehow led him to this point.

"Nothing Morgana. Don't you see? It was for nothing. Arthur isn't coming back, my friends aren't here also. I have lost everything on this path of good. Even you..."

The glint of anger was back in his eyes with something that she never would have thought to reside in him. The darkness was swirling in those blue eyes and she realized for the first time that she really never knew the man before her. Most she did was draw conclusions and he never corrected her, but this before her was something she never would attribute to the servant Merlin.

Still she regained her focus and looked at him with an anger that had waited years to show its face.

"It is your own fault, Merlin! You knew where I stood from beginning. This is entirely your fault and don't expect me to feel sympathy for a man who poisoned and killed me. I should end your life here and now."

She knows she is overstepping but can't help herself. The killer before her deserved to be punished and the gold that sparked from behind his eyes told her that this man before her has become beyond powerful in her time of absence. Morgana wanted to test her magic against the greatest warlock but now as she stood before him she realized that the difference in their magic has become too vast.

The endless power that swam in his eyes should make her careful around him, but she was never afraid of him. Let him kill her once more for all she cares for, she is stuck in this vicious cycle of having to fail against him every time. She will never fear him.

Once more he surprised her as he seemed so defeated before her, the greatest wizard to have lived looking like he is on his end.

"I know Morgana. Don't you think I haven't replayed the past a billion times wondering how it would be if I changed just one thing. It haunts me and I am losing my mind with it. I have no one anymore. Arthur hasn't come after all this time and I am tired. So tired of it all."

They say you should never sympathize with your enemy and in spite of it all she couldn't help but do so on some level. Maybe he had paid his mistakes in a different way than she first thought. All of us suffer in a different way and have our own hell to befall us in the end. It would seem Merlin has lived his for quite some time.

He continued his speech and she snapped back towards him. He was really someone who could always make her doubt what she knew and believed. He turned completely towards her and the defeat just wouldn't leave his eyes. Her enemy defeated and she couldn't find any joy in it.

"I will give you this Morgana... I don't have the right to say so but I will anyway. I will give you my company. I will give you my power to command and wield to your will. I will protect you from those who want to harm you and help you achieve what you want. Right now I just don't care anymore about any of it. What good is all this power if I have no one to share it with, if I am still left to hide as always?" he sighs "All I can hope to do is to try and remedy the friendship and companionship I held so dear in the beginning. You decide."

Why is it always so hard when it comes to him? It is hard to be rational and hard to let go while always having him in the back of her mind as a mystery never to be solved. Now he has turned the tables once more. He became someone she never would have thought. Someone who didn't care about the world or anyone in it. Lastly, he is indifferent about his path onwards, a shell empty of any principals that made the man from before.

Maybe she can use him and mold him into something that will befit someone by her side. After all she knows how to take advantage of the opportunity when it presents itself. Still, she will say it like it is.

"Don't take me for a fool Merlin. You will never be able to atone for what you did to me. I will use you and your knowledge of magic to once more have the power of high priestess on my fingertips. You will help me, even though I will use it for something you never stood behind? In the past you've struggled so hard to prevent it all. How odd of you Merlin. It seems that time really does wonders."

He only listened silently and no matter what she said he didn't seem fazed. Like all she said and how ever her decision went it would have little to no consequence on him. He really gave up. Well with that she could work with.

First she will take the lead on this little experiment. Maybe she could reinvent herself along with him and become something they never expected but both needed. Also the brooding, lost look needs to go if she was going to keep him anywhere near her for the foreseeable future. She will see how this will go.

"Okay Merlin. I will give this a chance, something you never gave me. You know I don't trust you no matter what you say, maybe time and your actions will convince me otherwise but for now please lose the brooding look. It does nothing for you and I'm quite irritated with you ruining the mood of everything. I want you to live with darkness not as a lost hero."

At first he seemed a bit confused but then he let his back straighten and a smile show on his face. With it his eyes turned gold and she was breathless to watch as the weather turned form the pouring rain to a clear blue sky and a bright sun. He smiled at her when she felt that her clothes were dry as his were. No trace of rain on them.

Morgana looked at him once more and turned to walk down the street. Merlin soon followed her and they fell in step together. They were always synched somehow and she knew that otherwise she wouldn't have said this.

"You planned this, didn't you?"

She looked at him amused and he returned a look of innocence.

"I will never tell."

Maybe he did, but both of them needed the darkness so they could enjoy the light. She could learn with him, so they both can learn how to walk the line. Redemption was something that neither had searched for before.

The warm weather was doing wonders for her mood. After all she felt hope for the first time in a while because now he wanted darkness and she wanted light. That is what he didn't know, but together they could discover what works for them.

Taking a deep breath she smiled and started wondering what the future would bring. Yes, this felt like a beginning.

-oo-

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